Jokes In Time For Valentine's Day

Here are some of the jokes I made up in the spirit of Valentine's day on Sunday.

Good Things About Valentine's Day
1. McDonald's including ice cream flavored condom in all happy meals
2. Philips releases all new laser eyebrow and pubic hair trimmer formerly used in the space program
3. Area man gets to increase his frequency of sex with his girl friend from 0.75 to 0.83 times per week.
4. Costco running a special sale on the 10,000 pack magnum condoms.
5. Match.com offering a free day with annual subscription
6. Walgreens special promotion: V-day pack including massage oil, viagra and rogaine.
7. Uncle Joe's crab shack installing mood lighting for valentines day brunch
8. Local Hooters waitresses giving out cool mints to well behaved patrons
9. Dick Clark still dropping "the ball" in Times Square
10. Even considering the tough economy, the cities professional gigalo's usually get extra tips.

Most effective ways to kill your chance for a second date

1. After about fifteen minutes into the date give a complete rundown on your medications
2. When he/she walks in say Bouya, Bouya
3. Tell her about your dissertation
4. read your poetry
5. ask her to loan you five bucks so you can pay for your big mac
6. winking over at the blonde at the next table
7. talking to the demons in your head while waiting for the appetizers
8. tell her that you have to leave by nine pm to avoid waking up grandma
9. tell her that you used to work in the "adult entertainment" business
10. invite your parole officer over to the table for a drink